


Chamomile

by 1800getstuffed



Category: Imallexx/Memulous Imallexx/willne
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Boys Kissing, BoyxBoy, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Gay Sex, Homophobia, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, ImAllexx - Freeform, Imallex/george, Imallexx/will, James/Frasier, Kissing, M/M, Romance, Smut, Swearing, mature - Freeform, weliveforthegay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25782949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1800getstuffed/pseuds/1800getstuffed
Summary: Alex is in love with George and has been for a while now but the two don't always see eye to eye and Alex is slowly realising that George might not be his true love despite how good he is in bed.That's where Will comes in.WE LIVE FOR THE GAYMature!!!Smut warning also
Relationships: Alex/Will, ImAllexx/WillNE, Imallexx/Memulous, alex/george
Comments: 20
Kudos: 64





	1. Falling

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I am not trying to force anything on any of the people in this story and this is purely fanfiction.  
> If this offends you, let me know and I will take it down

Chapter one ‘Skull, skull, skull!’ The clock is nearing 2 am and yet James is still standing, albeit shakily, and insisting Will consumes every bottle in a one-mile radius. They’re roaring with laughter now, Alex has no idea what’s so funny but he’s almost certain it has something to do with the fact that James is now attempting to tightrope across the balcony rail in his boxers, singing Hollaback girl drunkenly. Alex stares down at the mug in his hands, it’s filled with chamomile tea because the boy knows alcohol will only make my mind ache further, or at least that's what his psychiatrist says. As if that’s even possible, he thinks bitterly. Alex feels the weight of the couch dip slightly as George sits down next to him, grinning wildly. He’s always grinning, eyes sparkling brightly at everyone and Alex wish longingly to have what he has, to be so carefree and in the moment but he knows he’ll never be. At least not with it still pressing at the corners of my mind. Hair tickles his neck slightly and Alex realises in shock that George is cuddled up against the boy sleeping soundly, peacefully, like a baby. He’s amazed. George is a beautiful soul, an angel if you will who was currently sleeping practically in Alex’s arms. It’s the alcohol, he know, but he couldn’t help but wish it may be because George feels the same throb in his heart when he sees Alex, that he may feel like he has to look good for him too, that Alex may be the name whispered on his lips when he thinks everyone else is asleep. As if he would, you know who he thinks about. Her. Her with her gorgeous flowing hair, goddess physique and slender enchanting hands Just like George. They’re a good match you see, her and him. Alex twitches his head slightly, angry that these thoughts are coming back to him. He’d gone so long, so good for so long without them but as soon as George would enter the room, they would be coming streaming back. Alex peers down at the boy sleeping, his head tucked on his shoulder, nuzzling into his pale neck. Alex can’t help but smile giddily at how cute he is with his short chestnut hair tucked behind his adorable ears and beautiful eyelashes flowing down peacefully in sleep. He’s cute and Alex curses himself for thinking such a thing. The problem isn’t that he’s falling for a boy, Alex came out as bi years ago, but the fact that he’s immensely in love with his best friend, his roommate for god’s sake…well, that was just the icing on the cake but let’s be honest, it was on brand for his current life situation. ‘Asleep, huh?’ Will is standing above him, alcohol only highlighting his Geordie accent, slurring his words together. Alex can’t help but nod, still entranced by George’s cuteness. The Geordie waves his beer around, pointing to the others, there’s about twenty of them all crammed into James’s apartment and the air has become thick and muggy despite being in the midst of winter still. ‘Bunch of us heading off now, better get the lightweight home, yeah?’ Will murmurs, nodding at George. He stumbles away to look for Mia afterwards. Alex gets up, stable on his feet since it’s months since he’s had at least a drop. ‘ A’ight Georgie, let’s get us home’. George whimpers and whines, thrashing on the couch, pleading to stay, that he’s too tired to walk back and Alex has to ask himself whether he would be able to carry his friend the four blocks home. Alex bends down to shove at his shoulder. ‘George-' George cuts him off, pulling him on top of him so that they’re practically tackling one another on the couch. He’s grinning again and if he were not Alex’s best and oldest friend, the boy would have been scared, instead he’s turned on, which is worse, he realises. They’re staring at each other and Alex swallows slowly, holding his breath as George moves closer. This is what he’s been waiting for and his world comes crashing down as he realises; he should be more prepared. He’s eyes flutter close, awaiting the magical moment that is about to occur yet instead of feeling the tender touch of soft lips meeting his, he is instead met with a harsh tap. ‘BOOP!’ George exclaims, tapping Alex on the nose childishly, collapsing into a fit of giggles and Alex joins in, enchanted by the magical sound. They eventually stop when it becomes too much to bear and their stomachs are aching from the continuous laughter, giggles echoing into the night. George’s cheeks are flushed, blush seeping onto his skin, his cheekbones now resembling bubble-gum and Alex knows he must be in love. He grasps his friend’s slender hands, soft skin meeting his, pulling him onto his feet. ‘C’mon, let’s get you home’. Alex realises as he slams the door behind them that he forgot to say goodbye to James but he’s knows it’s probably for the best since he couldn’t bear to stand his chorus of “Ohhhhh”, “get some Alex!” “You two gonna shag or what?” They stumble down the narrow staircase, each step aching a little more than the last but George is smiling anyway, a constant force of happiness that can’t be taken away. As they reach the streets, George begins to talk about someone, Alex can’t be bothered to remember the name and at first, the boy doesn’t seem to care what his friend is prattling on about until he mentions a kiss. ‘What?' Alex’s head snaps up to look at George, quick enough to nearly give him whiplash. ‘I-what was that? Kiss? Kiss who? George-’ The boy laughs chaotically. ‘Listen Alex, you absolute mong! My girlfriend yeah?’ Oh. Girlfriend? Alex realises this must be why George has been arriving home late the past couple of weeks. Alex was hell bent on pretending he might just be out drinking with the boys but slowly yet surely, he realises, George doesn’t love him back


	2. Does peace ever last?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams never come true or do they?   
> Alex isn't sure but what he is sure of is that peace never lasts .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this the real life, or is this just fantasy...

Alex’s heartbeat thumps in his ears, shivering as the other runs his fingers slowly down his sides. ‘George I-’  
He cuts him off, soft lips meeting his and Alex whimpers into the kiss, skin prickling with heat. The kiss starts off slow, tender, entranced by love, yet it grows stronger as the two both ache for release, breaths becoming heavy in the night air.  
Clothes are being scattered across the room and Alex feels disoriented, like he’s been thrown underwater and he can’t hear or see anything properly. George’s hands are warm and Alex can’t help but be grateful considering how icy his room is at night.  
George leans now, smirking up at him mischievously before spreading his thighs impossibly further.  
Alex feels his breath ghost across his hole and he can’t breathe, as though this moment may kill him but he doesn’t want it to end. He feels safe here like-  
Oh  
Oh.  
Alex moans, arching his back-  
‘Alex? Aleeeeeex?’  
Alex’s eyes burst open, squinting at the amount of light filtering into the room through the open blinds. Someone’s standing above him yet the boy is too tired to make out a face. He slumps back onto his mattress, pillow catching his head. ‘Piss off, whoever you are’ he grumbles, throwing his arm over his eyes at an attempt to block out the day.  
‘Firstly, it’s Will, thanks mate, and secondly, we were s’posed to film two hours ago’.  
Alex pulls his hand away, eyes bloodshot from the lack of sleep. ‘Oh, uh…yeah, that! Right…ok, well I’ll um…’  
Will laughs at him, his cackle bouncing off of the walls. ‘You a bit flushed this morning Al; you have a good dream?’  
His comment is met with a pillow to his smirking face.

Will sways in his chair, laughing uncontrollably at yet another shenanigan involving Belle Delphine.  
They switch from topic to topic; from tiktocks, to fanart, to YouTube snakes, roaring with laughter at each one.  
It’s not until Will pulls up a photo of Alex, his neck clearly visible, yet what’s more visible is the harsh purple hickey.  
Alex can’t even remember who gave it to him, another drunken night in his past trying to find himself. And others are shocked when we tell them we don’t drink no more.  
Alex’s smile drops at the sound of that voice ricocheting through his mind. Gone so long, go so long without you.  
He shakes his head, whisking it away and puts all his might into focussing on what Will is saying. ‘What they do to you fella?’ He asks, grinning wickedly.  
Alex doesn’t stop himself. ‘George is really mean’ he blurts out.  
Why did I say that? Why, what are people gonna think now?  
WHAT IS GEORGE GOING TO THINK NOW?!  
Will laughs and Alex measly attempts to join him, voice faltering.   
It’s ok, it’s ok, the voice tells him.  
Just go along with it, you’re ok Alex.  
So, he does just that. He laughs at everything they come across, at everything Will says, even at himself to make the video seem more genuine, not caring about how much it will hurt later.

The streets are aglow with rainbow pigments from the city lights as Alex walks back to his apartment, hoodie pulled up above his mouth to break the cold wind. He shoves his small hands in his pockets, bundling them up to find some form of warmth. He hated winter, but winter in England was especially bad. It was already nearly pitch black despite it being only 6 pm.  
He shoves his keys into the hole in the door, shocked to find that it’s already unlocked. George must be home. Alex swears under his breath, he doesn’t want to have to deal with his friend/impossibly to get rid of crush right now. He braces himself, opening the door slowly.  
The kitchen is empty apart from a tempting spell radiating from the stove which is littered with pots and pans. Alex stares at them, puzzled. Is George…is George seriously cooking?!  
He throws his phone onto the couch, cursing when it bounces off and hits the floor. He switches the TV on, hoping to find something on Netflix to watch. He flings open the fridge, annoyed at how much alcohol George has managed to stash in there, practically weighing the shelves down. Does he seriously not understand how hard it’s been to stay clean? He knows it hurts, surely, he does.  
Alex sighs longingly before turning the kettle on and making himself a cup of tea. Chamomile. It’s soothing to him.  
He throws himself down on the couch as he waits for the kettle to boil completely. He’s been scanning through the Netflix options for a few seconds now when George stumbles into their living room, boxers riding low on his hips and shirt…missing.  
Alex’s breath catches in his throat as his gaze sweeps over his friend. ‘I…uhm’  
George grins at him, clearly oblivious to Alex’s rushing thoughts.  
Alex whimpers, clenching his throat to stop the noise from reaching the air. Damn.  
George looked good and suddenly Alex felt extremely vulnerable under his friend’s gaze.  
Ding!  
Alex and George turned their heads towards the kitchen as the timer went off.  
‘Oh!’ George exclaimed, walking past Alex, oblivious to his flushed state. ‘Dinner’s done!’  
Alex turns his head towards the smell as George scooped spaghetti onto two plates. ‘You didn’t need to do that. Don’t we usually eat out?’  
George smiled warmly. ‘Wanted to do something nice for once, yeah?’  
Alex can’t help but feel warmth prick at his heart when he realises George did all of this for him. Stop getting your hopes up, you know he isn’t gay.  
But since when did guy friends just spontaneously cook dinner for one another? If Alex had ever asked his friend to do such a thing, he would probably be met with a “fuck off, get your own food”.  
Did this mean-  
His rush of thoughts was cut off and George placed a plate of food on his lap. ‘You want a beer as well?’ he asks, voice a soft whisper and Alex’s legs practically spread of their own accord at the sound.  
He blushes and shakes his head quickly, gesturing towards his depressing cup of tea placed on the coffee table. ‘I’m okay,’ he mumbles.  
His friend looks at the cup too, smiling lovingly. ‘You’ve been doing amazing Alex, I’m happy for you,’ he murmurs, placing a kiss on Alex’s forehead.  
Alex’s world erupts in flames around him. Did he just?  
His thoughts are whirling around his brain at a rapid pace. What does this mean? Was that just a friend kiss? A FRIEND kiss? No. Who just randomly kisses people who they think as their friends like that? Is this some sort of prank? Would George seriously do that to him? Does he know…  
George threw himself down on the couch next to him. ‘What are we watching? I reckon we go through some of James’s videos, he’s been wantin’ me to for a while now.’

They watch about five of James’s videos, laughing together at their friend.   
‘And he wonders why he’s the most unsubscribed Eboy!’ George exclaims and Alex scolds him for being mean, yet can’t help but cackle along with him.  
George has ravished two beers so far and his speech is already starting to blur together.  
Absolute light weight, Alex thinks but he loves it anyway, it shows just how tiny George is, even to Alex and the boy can’t help but want to bundle him up in a ball and cuddle him forever.   
George puts his head on Alex’s shoulder, shaking with laughter, giggles melting into the living room and once again, Alex is reminded of how in love he is. He puts an arm around George’s shoulder, fingers stroking through his light brown hair softly, mimicking a waterfall. George makes a sound deep within his throat almost like a purr and Alex snaps his head to look down at his friend. Did I make him do that?  
His eyes are met with George’s but…there’s something different. His eyes are no longer a light baby blue but are now imitating a midnight sky, enchanted with lust. Alex stares into them longingly, breath catching in his throat.  
His gazes flickers from his eyes to his mouth and he’s only look for about three seconds before George is grasping his cheek and pulling him into a passionate kiss. Alex’s mouth opens in a silent gasp and George takes advantage of this, slipping his tongue into his mouth, making Alex moan. They make out for a few minutes before George pulls Alex on top of him, pushing the hem of his hoodie up further, exposing his pale milky skin and raking his hands down his back. Alex grinds his ass against George’s crotch, desperate for some sort of friction.   
‘C’mon, let’s take this to the bedroom, shall we?’ George says, smirk rising on his face, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.  
They both laugh, stumbling towards Alex’s bedroom.  
Wait, did I remember to…  
Alex freezes. Oh god, he thinks, it’s still on my bed, it’s still on my bed.  
That morning, Alex had woken up after another one of his…interesting dreams about his crush and decided to deal with ‘his problem’ in the best way possible: using a massive vibrator dildo he had stashed away under his bed.  
Now as much as Alex claimed to be an intelligent person on his YouTube channel, he wasn’t always in real life or maybe it was because he was still distracted by thinking about George fucking him into the mattress in his dream. Either way, his toy was still sitting on his bed.  
‘Wait!’ Alex gasped as the two stood in the doorway of his bedroom.  
George stopped, kisses on his neck halting. He stared at him anxiously. ‘Oh, if you don’t want to…’  
Alex shook his head rapidly. ‘No, no! I want to, I really do but-’  
Oh no…  
George’s eyes met Alex’s bed, spotting the dildo placed perfectly on the blanket. He smirked. ‘You hiding this from me, baby’ his voice deepening in arousal. He held the dildo up to Alex’s shame.   
Alex stuttered over his words, face flushing in embarrassment. ‘Well…’  
George nodded, still smiling evilly. He obviously knew what Alex was using for and more importantly, who he was thinking of when using such a toy. He threw it back on the bed, planning to use it later.  
George sat down on the mattress, eyes darkening with lust. ‘On your knees, sweetheart’ he growled.  
Alex didn’t even think. He simply dropped to his knees at George’s command.   
He grasped the hem of George’s jeans, pulling them down along with his boxers and pushing them off to the side. George’s cock, now exposed, was throbbing red and Alex whimpered at the sight.  
He leaned in further, breath ghosting over George’s cock. Alex licked it cautiously, base to top. Once satisfied that all he could smell was soap and a masculine musk, he took all of him into his mouth, head bobbing eagerly. George moaned in ecstasy, hands grasping at Alex’s hair, fingernails raking over his scalp.   
‘Ohhh my god Alex~’ he gasped, mouth falling open as Alex sucked harder, desperate to make George cum.   
George was falling apart, moans falling from his lips with small gasps of ‘yes Alex’ every so often.  
Alex looked up from under his eyelashes, eyes blown wide at how good he was making George feel.   
George gasped, clutching the back of Alex’s head and pushing him all the way down so that the boy’s nose was brushing against his pubic hair. Alex gagged, trying to hold it off for George’s pleasure.  
‘Mmm yes, Alex!’ the boy gasped as Alex sat, mouth swallowing the whole of George’s cock. The boy spluttered around his length, drool dribbling around his lips. He pawed and George’s thigh, desperate for breath. But he couldn’t help but love this feeling, the feeling of George being in absolute control.  
He grinned, looking down at Alex’s submissive state under lidded eyes. ‘Mmm sorry, baby,’ he pulled him off and Alex gasped, ‘I just love how warm that mouth is’.  
George grabbed Alex by his arms, pulling him back onto the bed. ‘But I don’t wanna cum just yet~’  
Alex eagerly threw himself back on the mattress, head falling on the pillow and legs spreading effortlessly.   
George’s eyes flickered around his bedroom. ‘Do you have lube in here?’  
Alex nodded. ‘Bedside table’ his voice was raspy.  
George riffled through the drawer, clutching the lube, laughing as he realised how empty it was. He popped the top off, squeezing a generous amount onto his fingers, looking right into Alex’s eyes as he did so.  
Alex felt vulnerable under his gaze, wanting more, desperate for George’s cock.  
George leaned in, placing a soft reassuring kiss on Alex’s lips. ‘If you want to stop just tell me and-’  
Alex shook his head. ‘No, I want to, please…’  
He nodded, understanding that Alex was far too needy for foreplay right now. Alex’s clothes had already been strewn across the room and George was grateful for this, not wanting to waste any time.  
He quickly spread Alex’s legs further, head still blurring with the last remaining traces of alcohol. He rubbed a finger over the boy’s hole, cautious and testing. He pushed the finger in slowly.  
Alex whined. ‘George, seriously, I’m not made of glass, I-’  
George smirked as the boy’s rambling was cut off with a sharp intake of breath as George suddenly pushed two fingers inside him, reaching his prostate almost immediately.  
The boy keened underneath him, moaning like the absolute twink he was. ‘Please I-I need more please!’  
George nodded, taking his fingers out and Alex whimpered at the loss. ‘God you’re so needy love’ he growled, coating his dick with lube and lining up.  
Alex couldn’t breathe.  
He’d be waiting for this for far too long.  
And let’s just say, it was way better than his dreams.  
George’s thrusts started out slow but the pace quickly became torturous and the two needed more.   
He turned to look at the blankets thrown behind him. ‘Where’s that toy of yours huh?’  
Alex’s eyes widened, shocked that George was…was he really.

Fuck, I am not going to last at all.

George reached back and grasped the dildo, switching it on.  
Let’s see, slow, medium, fast, MAXIMUM, he thought before grazing it across Alex’s balls.  
Alex moaned loudly, vibrations shaking into his core, sending pleasure all over his body. He was sure the neighbours would probably complain about the noise again but he didn’t care, all he wanted was to cum, he needed to cum.  
George winked at him, rubbing the toy up and down his length before meeting the head of Alex’s cock.  
Alex practically screamed in pleasure, stripes of cum falling onto his stomach, moaning as George didn’t let up.  
He threw the toy to the side, grabbing Alex’s thighs roughly and fucking him harder. Alex whimpered from the overstimulation but let him go for it, happy to be making George feel this good.  
George’s mouth fell open in a silent gasp as he came, deep within Alex.  
The two lay spent on the pile of blankets beneath them, panting heavily.  
Their eyes met and the two laughed at what they had just done or maybe it was because of all the alcohol that was still seeping through George’s lightweight veins.  
George’s breathing slowed, returning to normal before he rolled over, sleep hitting him suddenly. Alex sighed, running his hand over the boy’s shoulder, loving the softness of his skin.  
This was nice. He felt like he was finally at peace here but he knew it wouldn’t last.

Peace only ever lasted so long.


	3. You're so stupid Alex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George is freaking out but so is Alex.  
> What's worse is the voice is back and that's what breaks him.  
> You're so stupid Alex.

Alex is woken up by the sound of someone pacing around his room. He’s confused at first, which is obvious since he’s pretty much still asleep. He notices a figure standing in the doorway of the bathroom and their visible anxious state confirm to Alex that it’s George.  
Alex sat up in the bed, bracing himself on his elbows. ‘What’s wrong?’ He asks. Did he do something? Was George angry at him? Oh god, was last night a mistake?  
George is panting, panic clearly washing over him. His hair is sticking up in all directions, poking out of his scalp like he’s been struck by lightning.  
‘I-um-uh oh-gotta go back’ George stutters, racing back into the bathroom and Alex hears the well-known sound of someone throwing up.   
He winces, hoping there won’t be a mess for him to clean up later. He stumbles out of the bed, cursing as the blankets tangle around his ankles.  
‘George? You alright?’ he calls.  
George comes out of the bathroom once he’s flushed away the remains of last night. ‘Did we…please tell me we didn’t…’  
Alex nods slowly. It’s all he can do, certain that this will be what ruins them. He’ll probably never speak to me again. I’ll...one of us may have to move out!  
His thoughts are becoming painful and his concerns are confirmed as George’s face slowly begins to redden with rage.  
‘What? Alex, why didn’t you stop me? You weren’t drunk!’ George spat.  
Alex panicked for a second, not sure how to answer that. Was George seriously that drunk? Well the bathroom floor would probably say so. I thought he wanted…it was only two, TWO beers for god’s sake…  
‘I…I didn’t think you were that…well it’s not my fault you’re such a lightweight!’ Alex whimpered. His voice was wavering and it scared him. He didn’t want to cry, he couldn’t cry, especially not right now.  
George’s eyes darken, eyebrows narrowing. ‘Not your fault?’ His voice is freakishly calm and his whisper sounds creepy to Alex.  
The boy shakes slightly. Please don’t hurt me, please don’t hurt me, he pleads inside his mind.  
George steps closer to him. ‘It fucking is your fault, Alex!’ he yells, voice akin to a roar and Alex trembles as the sound radiates around their shared apartment. ‘I’m not-I ain’t one of you, yeah? I a’int a faggot or nothin’!’   
Alex flinches as George slaps him, cheek stinging at the blow. ‘George I-’ he gasps but George is already moving, pushing past him and stomping down the hallway.  
Alex chases after him as George runs out of the apartment, door slamming behind him and the sound is embedded in Alex’s brain, the look of disgust on George’s face forever burned into his brain.  
Alex pauses, not knowing what to do. Do I stay? No, I can’t just let George run away, I need to follow him? But he doesn’t want us to follow him, he doesn’t need us, he- he hit us Alex!  
Alex freezes.  
There was a voice.  
In his mind- well obviously there’s a voice in his mind, it’s his thoughts but…

That voice wasn’t his.  
It was deep and raspy, it was SCARY is what it was and Alex falls to the floor, knowing it’s back, it’s back.  
He hadn’t heard it in so long, he’d almost forgotten what it sounded like but here it was clear as day.  
You miss me Alex?  
Stop it, he yells in his mind, stop, don’t laugh at me.  
Everyone’s laughing at me! They’re always laughing at me! I don’t understand. Why is everyone always making fun of me?  
He curls himself up into a ball, the laughter inside his head echoing around his skulls, nerves becoming too hot to bear with, like fire rippling through his veins.  
~~~  
“Now, I want you to take this pills once a day, is that OK, Alex?”  
He can barely hear her, her voice is frail as it wisps around the doctor’s office.  
“I…what pills? What are they-I-I don’t-”  
He can’t breathe.  
“They’re anti-psychotics, Alex, they’ll help you-”  
“No!” he roars. “No No No! They won’t! You don’t get it, they won’t!”  
~~~  
The bottle smashes immediately as it reaches the concrete. Alex stares down at it menacingly from his apartment window. The air is cold and the winder flickers through his hair.  
It won’t help. It never does.  
You’re so stupid Alex.  
Look, Alex, look! They’re laughing at us!  
Why is everyone laughing at us, Alex? Why don’t people like us?  
Why don’t they like me?  
She’s a tiny little thing, her head pulled back into two thin plaits. She looks too sad. Children shouldn’t be sad; they should be laughing and happy and-  
You’re so stupid, Alex. 

Pathetic


	4. Searching for lost seas.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Searching for George but what's the point? George hates him.  
> Also, can someone please tell Alex how to stop panicking and what's happening with James and Frasier??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This chapter contains gay slurs and coarse language so...

Chapter four: Searching for lost seas  
There are people everywhere, scuttling about like ants across the roads and pedestrian walkways.  
Alex hated how busy the bus stops would get during this time. This many people crammed into places always made him feel nervous, heart beginning to pound harder and harder in his chest with every passing second.  
Alex’s eyes scanned the city scape desperately, searching for that mop of auburn hair. He didn’t have the confidence to go up to people and ask if they’d seen him. He was slowly spiralling into an anxious hole and he couldn’t break free.  
There was only one thing on his mind.  
No  
One PERSON on his mind and he needed him, needed to find him.  
If…If I don’t find him…I’ll…  
Would it actually change anything?  
Alex pondered this thought as he raced down the littered streets, car lights and blinkers almost blinding him. He dodged people, weaving through the crowds as his mind raced. If he were to find George right now, would it even fix anything?  
If he found him, maybe he could explain, could apologise, could tell him how he felt, ANYTHING.  
It doesn’t matter.  
He’s never going to forgive you, Alex.  
He hates us now.  
Alex doesn’t hate the voice so much now.  
At least he has someone to talk to, someone to-  
‘Oi!’  
He’s smacked into someone, his small fragile head colliding with a firm chest.  
He’s relieved as he looks up, eyes meeting the poor person he’s ran into in an anxious rage.  
It’s just Will.  
Alex breathes out slowly, his mouth has gone dry and he hasn’t had water in what feels like...well, how long ago did George storm out?  
Will leans down to study the boy’s face, clearly concerned as anyone would be. Alex’s eyes are red and his cheeks are puffy. A sure sign that he’s been crying and Will pulls him into a tight hug, whispering affirmations that “it’ll be Ok” into his hair.  
Alex sniffles, tears beginning to sting in the corners of his eyes again. He cries into Will’s chest and Will lets him, patting his back reassuringly.  
Alex splutters over his words, trying to explain what happened. ‘I-I-George, Will-George left and I-’  
‘Hey, hey’ Will purred, hugging Alex impossibly tighter. ‘Why don’t we go back to my place, yeah, and you can tell me there. We’ll text the others and see if they’ve seen them. ‘Sides, it’s way too cold out’.  
Alex is so grateful he has a Will in his life. He really didn’t deserve him.  
The voice is softer now but still too loud for comfort.  
What’s Will gonna think when he finds out, Alex?  
~~~

Alex is snuggled up on Will’s ratty couch, three blankets thrown across his tiny frame. Sure, the couch may be falling apart but it’s warm and comfy and Alex feels at home here.  
Will is telling him another one of his famous stories, something about James trying to smuggle beer into airport security or something.  
Alex is pretty sure it isn’t true but he appreciates the fact that Will is trying to make him laugh.  
His eyes flicker to his phone sitting on the coffee table. ‘Do you…do you wanna text the others and see…if…if they know where he is?’ He wills his voice not to break.  
Will nods enthusiastically. ‘Oh sure, yeah, if you wanna’.  
Alex snatches the phone of the table, unlocking it immediately.  
Text message to James:  
Alex: Hey have you seen George lately?  
Trilingual-spicy-gay: No why?  
Alex: He ran out haven’t been able to find him  
Trilingual-spicy-gay: What why?  
Trilingual-spicy-gay: Why did he run out?  
Trilingual-spicy-gay: What happened?  
Alex doesn’t respond to that. He simply texts Frasier instead.  
When he’s done with Frasier, annoyed when he couldn’t give him any information either, he debates texting George.  
He hasn’t texted or called him at all since he ran out, hoping that giving him some space for a bit might make him want to come home.  
He opens his conversation with George and-  
You are no longer able to send messages to this person.  
Seriously, George?  
He blocked us.  
Well, are we surprised?  
He hates us obviously he would!  
Yeah but I didn’t think…  
He throws the phone back onto the table, sulking into the pile of blankets. Will watches him worriedly.  
‘Alex…’ he whispers.  
Alex shakes his head, not wanting to talk to him, or to anyone really.  
George hated him, the boy who he thought he truly loved, hated him.  
A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. He and Will looked at each other, curiously. They weren’t expecting anyone.  
Was George back?  
Will flung the door open, surprised to see James standing in the hallway, cheeks red and hair stuck to his forehead with sweat. He’d clearly been running.  
Will stood there awkwardly, not sure what to say as James stood there, panting breathlessly.  
‘I…uh…George…he’ James gasps and Will pulls him into the apartment, intrigued as to what’s put his friend his such a state.  
James began to the pace Will’s living room and Alex couldn’t help but be reminded of his earlier self. ‘George is…what happened? Have you seen his twitter?’ He pulls his phone out of his jacket, tossing it to Will once it’s unlocked.  
Tweet from @Memulous  
Thursday 22nd January 2:13pm  
“Can everyone please do me a favour and stop tagging me in anything to do with @ImAllexx? I fucking hate the shit!”

Tweet from @Memulous  
Thursday 22nd January 2:36pm  
“I’m being serious guys. I FUCKING hate him!”

Tweet from @Memulous  
Thursday 22nd January 2:45pm  
“If you’re gay then unsubscribe from my channel. Like get the fuck out. I don’t want fucking want you! You’re all faggots”

Alex sat, stunned, as Will read the tweets aloud. He could understand George not liking him but seriously? Every since gay person? That was low.  
We’re not even gay, we’re bi!  
He’s right though, they’re pretty gross  
Don’t say that, that’s mean  
Shut the fuck up!  
Alex grabbed his head, tugging at his scalp. God, the voices were so loud, it hurt!  
Will and James watched as Alex thumped his hands against his skull.  
Do we take him back to his therapist? Will thought.  
James shook his head, annoyed at how George’s tweets were affecting Alex. ‘He’s just being stupid, Al, thinks he’s being funny or something, it’ll blow ov-’  
‘James!’ Alex whispered. ‘Please, you don’t understand! He truly does hate me!’  
James immediately walked over the couch and sat down next to the small boy, pulling him into a bear-like cuddle. ‘Nonsense Al’, George would never hate you’ he whispered into his hair.  
Will watched Alex curiously. ‘Can you…can you tell us what happened, Alex?’  
Alex gazed up at the taller boy, mind fighting with itself. He pulled the blanket closer, mumbling into its softness. ‘I…wehadseth’ he murmured quietly.  
James and Will both looked at each other in confusion.  
James rubbed Alex’s back, reassuringly. ‘Can you please say that again? But louder, yeah’.  
Alex rolled his eyes. ‘I…we had sex’.  
James’s eyes widened. ‘Oh. Oh, um, OK...’  
Alex winced; he knew his friends would look down on him for such a thing.  
Will shoved his hands in his pockets.  
He’s uncomfortable.  
I told you, they’d hate us.  
‘Well…were you like…um, err, both consenting?’ Will asked.  
Alex looked around the room desperately. ‘I thought he did but he woke up and started yelling *sniff* saying he was drunk and he hates me and he-he hit me and-’  
Will rushed over as Alex’s breathing began to get erratic and James rushed to the kitchen, promising to get him some water.  
The two huddled up with him, whispering soothing words, to breathe slowly, it’ll be OK.

~~~:))))))))))))))  
*three hours later*  
Alex stood in Will’s shower, spray pounding against his back, nearly lulling the boy to sleep. The water is probably too hot but Alex loves it, loves the sting and aching burn that follows.  
He’s breathing normally now and he’s eternally grateful to have people in his life like Will and James. Will had made him stay the night at his apartment, making sure the boy stayed safe and refusing to let him go back home without their supervision in case George was there.  
He shuts the water off, throwing a towel around his waist and stepping out of the bathroom. He can hear Will singing some dumb song, a meme song probably, in his bedroom. Alex realises that his friend must be filming a video for his channel and laughs to himself at how terrible Will’s upload schedule is.  
He pads down the hallway towards the living room where James is sitting, half-asleep on the couch, dark circles laced under his eyes.  
Alex feels guilty since he knows he’s probably the reason his friend is exhausted. ‘You need an uber back to your place?’ he offers.  
James’s tired eyes squint at him. ‘Nah, it’s alright, Frasier’s givin’ me a lift’.  
Alex opens his mouth to say something then closes it immediately. He wants to comment on the recent closeness between the two but doesn’t want to upset James. He chooses to remain silent and put some takeaway in the microwave.  
James says something in a mumbled tone, complaining about how loud the microwave is or rather how loud EVERYTHING is when Will walks in.  
His cheeks are flushed from laughter and his eyes are dazed if Alex didn’t know he’d been filming a video, he’d think Will might have gotten laid.  
Will says nothing but Alex is quick to catch the wink he sends his way.


	5. I can't feel.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will and Alex love spending time together especially if it involves gay pride ice-cream.  
> But Alex hasn't fully healed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mental health warning for this chapter and the next.  
> Btw, I've been struggling with writer's block so sorry if this is terrible

Chapter five

It’s way too early to be awake and up on a Sunday morning and the air is far too crisp for the thin jacket Alex is currently freezing in but Will is happy and laughing; he’s always laughing. Alex can’t help but grin with him when he sees the look on Will’s face. They’re walking (well, will is practically skipping) to the cinema; Will wants Alex to come see some new superhero movie with him, was it avengers or x-men, Alex has no idea. He never really liked superheroes that much, they always made him feel so skinny and ugly.   
Come on, Alex, for fuck’s sake, stop acting like a baby!  
Besides, let’s just do it for Will.  
The voices are strong and pounding in Alex’s mind as they enter the dim lit theatre.

😊 ☹ 😊 ☹ <()>  
Alex is crying as they exit the cinema, he had no idea Will would want to watch that movie with him. He honestly just thought they would be watching another one of those annoying blockbuster superhero movies that would make Alex feel like crap and want nothing more than to go home and curl into a ball.  
Alex was still crying about the movie as the two walked through the city park. Will was watching Alex with concern. ‘Damn, Al’, if I’d known it was gonna make you’se feel that sad I’d watch somethin’ else’. He throws his arm around the petite boy’s shoulders in attempt to cheer him up.  
Alex looks up at him with wide eyes. ‘No! I-Will, please don’t feel bad, I liked it!’  
Will looks at him, confused. ‘You sure? But you’re so upset now’.  
Alex sighs. ‘Look…I mean, it was Love, Simon, it was bound to make me cry but it just…hit a little close to home, y’know?’ His voice is close to breaking.  
Will hugs him tightly. ‘Shit, I’m sorry Alex’ his voice is soft and Alex just wants to melt into it.  
Alex laughs quietly. ‘It’s OK, besides you’re already making me feel better’.  
Alex loved hanging out with Will, it was the most confident he ever felt around anyone in his life and the boy is suddenly reminded of the same feeling he felt with George.  
George.  
Where was he?  
Alex’s eyes were threatening to water but the boy clenched them closed tightly, not willing to give into the tears. ‘Want did you want to do now? Will?’  
The boy looked around. Where the hell did Will go?  
‘Over here, Alex!’   
Alex’s head snapped towards the Geordie accent, giggling when he saw what his friend was holding: two ice-cream cones taller than James, with colour of the rainbow and Alex can’t help but burst out laughing at how gay it looks.  
Will passes him one and Alex is surprised at how heavy it is, seriously, how many scoops did Will get?   
Alex beams up at the taller boy. ‘So, wha-’  
His question is cut short by a short gasp that leaves his throat as he trips over a bench in the park. Both of his knees are scrapped and his ice-cream is…well, at least, the birds and ants will have something to eat.  
Alex is disappointed, no, even more upset than disappointed. I mean, he just lost his gay-pride ice-cream, he had the right to be upset!  
Will is all over him, asking him a million times if he’s OK, grasping his head gently to see if he has a concussion. They’re only millimetres away and Alex’s breath is lost, caught in his throat. Will’s eyes are beautiful, Alex realises, such a deep blue that Alex just wants to melt into. 

‘I um…I dropped my ice-cream’ Alex whispered, pouting.

Will laughed, grinning down at the splattered ice-cream on the concrete walkway. ‘It’s a’ight, we’ll share, yeah?’  
The boy’s eyes widened. ‘What? Share?’ He asked, incredulously.  
Will nodded, enthusiastically. ‘Well, sure, if you want to…’ He passes Alex his ice-cream cone and the boy nervously licks it.  
Wait, hasn’t Will already licked it?  
Well, yeah, obviously!  
So…did we like indirectly kiss him?  
Oh, shoot!  
Alex passes the cone back without saying anything, too busy wondering if he and Will actually had kisses in a way.  
Will licks a big stripe off of the ice-cream, looking right at Alex as he does so and once again, his wink is not lost on Alex.  
He’s trying to be sexy but Alex can’t help but laugh, shoving his shoulder jokingly.  
Splat!  
The two looked at each other as Will’s ice-cream hit the floor, right beside Alex’s. Blue and brown eyes meet one another as hysteric giggles fill the air.

😊 ☹ 😊 ☹  
Alex flings the apartment door open, Will right behind him, throat aching from laughter. ‘OK, OK, when that lady yelled at you for the slide, that was pretty funny!’  
Will giggles. ‘Wasn’t my fault, didn’t see the kid at the bottom!’  
Alex stares at him through tears of laughter. ‘Surely you heard ‘im scream as you came hurling down behind him!’  
The two cackle, the comedic memory replaying in their minds. Their short moment of bliss is cut short as heavy footsteps echo down the hallway.  
The two looked towards the source of the noise, shocked to see George standing there.   
Alex’s heart stopped in his chest, nerves burning. ‘I-’  
George scowled at him. ‘Your stuff is at James’s place.’ His voice is gruff and it pains Alex to hear.  
‘What so…you’re making Alex move out?’ Will gasps, moving closer to Alex, protectively.   
George nods, carelessly. ‘He can live for he wants for all I care, just not here!’ He stomps back to his room.  
Alex’s cheeks prickle as tears slip down them. ‘I-I-do I have to live with James now?’ His voice sounds young and broken and Alex feels like a child. He’s scared, perhaps more so then he was when he lost her.  
Will shakes his head, vigorously. ‘Of course, not! Alex, baby, you can live with me if you want…’

But Alex can’t hear him.   
The ground began to sway under his feet.  
I can’t hear.  
I can’t see.  
I can’t feel.  
We’re dissociating!  
Wait, why now?  
We haven’t in so long.

The ground is so cold, so, so cold…it hurts.  
‘Alex? Alex, baby? Alex, can you hear me?’  
Why do they hate us, Alex?


	6. What y'all think?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not an update sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to know what everyone thinks about the story

Hey everyone just wanted everyone to tell me what they think of the story so far and if they want me to continue. I kind of forgot this thing even existed but I did have an ending so just tell me if u want me to continue. If u want me to I'm more than happy to but it doesn't really mean that much to me anymore so yeah let me know.  
X


	7. Testimonies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peace really may never last

Chapter seven

The afternoon light as the sun sets is nearly painful to Alex’s cry-swollen eyes and the boy winces, irritated. Will, sensing his friend’s discomfort, immediately jumped up from his perch on the bed and quickly pulled the curtains closed. Alex made a noise of approval in his throat before curling impossibly closer into Will’s bed, blankets almost suffocating him. Will gazed down at the hurt boy, sighing. ‘I’m here if you wanna talk, baby’ he whispered, softly, placing a light kiss on Alex’s light brown hair. 

He’s about to get up and leave the room, hoping that giving Alex some space will help him to open up, when a small hand grasps his wrist tightly. Alex looks as though he will begin to cry once again at any moment and Will freezes, not knowing what to do. 

‘Don’t go,’ his voice is broken and hoarse, ‘please, can you…can you please just stay with me for a bit?’ His eyes look hurt and pleading. 

Will says nothing but sits back down next to him, as if on autopilot. Alex immediately wraps his arms around the taller boy’s waist, pulling him back down onto the bed with him. The boy trembles in his arms and Will coos softly, calming him. Alex had been trembling from crying for a solid three hours now and knowing his history of issues and insecurities, Will was scared for him. 

The two now lay, Will against the mattress and Alex almost on top of him, head resting on his chest. Will breathed a sigh of relief as the smaller boy began to fall asleep. However, Will couldn’t sleep any time soon with his mind swinging back and forth with conflictions. 

Should he take Alex back to therapy? He clearly wasn’t getting any better if the endless panic attacks and nightmares were anything to go by and George clearly wasn’t helping either. Will stared up at the ceiling angrily, he had no idea what to do yet all he really wanted to do was to beat George up but that would only scare Alex more and probably only make the whole situation worse. 

Alex would without a doubt be angry at Will if he were to take him back to see his therapist. Will reflected on the last time they had gone, at least two years ago now. Alex had spiralled into a panic-induced rage and ran out of his apartment, leaving a stunned Will behind, yellow pages flipped to the mental health professional pages in hand. Will had no idea how he was supposed to make Alex better if the boy kept running from professional help and Will was not that great either; he barely even knew what Alex suffered from and google only got you so far. 

I can’t make Alex go back if he doesn’t want to. 

But he NEEDS to! 

He’ll hate you if you do! 

It’s more important he gets help than hating us! 

How am I supposed to get him help if he hates me? 

Maybe James or Fraiser could help? 

I haven’t spoken to them in a while. 

In fact, how long has it been? 

Will turned his head towards the bedside table and snatched his phone off of it. He scrolled through his conversations with his two friends, shocked as he realised the last time, he spoke to them was three weeks ago. Had it seriously been that long? When did he and Alex even go to the movies? He couldn’t even pinpoint it in his mind. He and Alex had been practically living together in Will’s crappy apartment for nearly a month now! 

He opened his calendar in his phone, worried to see when Mia was supposed to return from her retreat with her friends. 

Two days. 

She was coming home in two days. 

What am I supposed to do? She’s gonna hate me if she finds Alex here, there’ll be too many people in the house! 

Also, it’s not as though I asked permission first! 

But isn’t Alex’s safety more important? 

They both hate each other; Mia can’t stand him! 

Alex doesn’t like her much either; she was pretty rude to him when they last hung out. 

How long ago was that…three months? 

Pretty sure they still hate one another though. 

Will gazed down at the peacefully sleeping boy, eyebrows furrowed. Mia coming home and seeing Alex would surely start in an argument, the two had never really gotten along. Yet, he knew Alex couldn’t go back to his apartment, at least not with George there. 

Will looked around the room, desperate for any sort of advice yet he couldn’t speak to George, his once best friend and God knows where James and Frasier were. 

Mia. 

Alex. 

Mia. 

Alex. 

Who was more important? Alex was his best friend yet Mia was his girlfriend. What was he supposed to do? Kick Alex out? God no, the poor boy would be homeless! Could he live with James or Frasier? He hadn’t spoken to them in ages. 

He quickly opened his text messages with Frasier. 

You can no longer send messages to this person. 

Huh. 

Well that’s interesting. 

😊 ☹ 😊 ☹ 

‘Why did he block you?’ 

Will was currently pacing the room, thoughts of the problematic situation between Alex and Mia and now Frasier blocking him racing through his sore and tired brain. 

Alex was perched on one of their eBay-bought kitchen stools, ferociously downing his cereal. How long had it been since he ate? 

Dear god, Alex’s eating problems were a whole other story for Will to worry about. 

Will sighed, slightly dazed as he hadn’t slept at all last night. At least Alex did, he needed it more than he did. Alex’s health was important, it took priority. 

He leaned against the counter, beginning to feel unbalanced. ‘I…look, Al’, I really don’ know, he just blocked us, yeah, I haven’ even spoken to the bloke in weeks.’ He sat down next to his friend; breath slightly heavy. God, he really needed to sleep right now. 

Alex put his spoon down slowly, pushing the bowl away from him. ‘’M not hungry’ he mumbled. 

Will responded with a pained look. ‘Seriously? Sweetheart, you haven’ eaten in ages, I swear it’. 

Alex looked like a kicked puppy, skin pale and sickly looking, eyes permanently red with tears. ‘’M just not, Will’ his voice was so quiet that Will had to strain his ears to hear him. ‘’S probably my fault that he blocked you, I mean…George pro’lly told ‘im what happened and now he hates me’ his voice broke as he began to cry for the second time that day. 

Will shushed him, scooping him up in his arms and sitting down on the couch, Alex placed on his lap like a child. Alex sobbed into his chest, tears staining his blue hoodie, resembling raindrops. Will stroked his back, reassuringly. ‘Honey, listen to me, no one hates you, yeah? No one could ever hate you’. 

Alex sniffled, voice becoming more and more like a squeal. ‘George does!’ He hissed. 

Will shook his head. ‘George’s an idiot! He didn’ even know Canada was part of north America! I mean really Al’, he’s no’ ‘xactly bright, inne he?’ 

Alex laughed slightly and Will rejoiced in the sound. ‘Yeah, well…I’m not sure he will still accept my company, Will! I’m just-just…I’m just this disgusting, gross person! Like I forced myself on him for fucks sake! It’s no wonder he doesn’t want to be with me…who would?’ 

Me, Will thinks and he’s shocked at the thought. 

‘Alex, you didn’t know he was drunk and let’s be real, he probably wasn’t! He had what, not even two beers? He wanted it too, he’s just a pussy and can’t man up and face his feelings! Don’t you understand? Boy like men are afraid to do anything gay; they think it’ll ruin ‘im, yeah?’ Will looks into Alex’s weary eyes. ‘You’re better than ‘im, Al’! Don’ let ‘im hurt you like this!’ 

Alex sniffles once more into Will’s chest, snuggling further into Will’s embrace. His chest fills warm and fuzzy and he knows what this feeling is, deep down, he does, he KNOWS. It’s what he felt for George, after all. 

He peered up at him through lidded eyes. ‘Will?’ 

Will turned to face him. ‘Yeah?’ 

Alex cursed himself in his mind for what he was about to say. ‘Will, I-’ 

‘Will? Babes, I’m home’. 

Will and Alex’s mouths fell open in sync. 

Oh. 

Hell. 

No. 

😊 ☹ 😊 ☹ 😊 ☹ 

ῲῳῴῧῨ 

Mia is pacing the room, back and forth, back and forth, and Will can’t help but be reminded of the subway trains in New York. 

He’s sat next to Alex on the couch, watching her anxiously and Alex’s heavy breathing isn’t helping either. 

Mia’s cheeks are tear-stained and her eyes are puffy and bloodshot, mascara long gone streaming down and Will almost chuckles at how much she resembles the Joker at this point. Her cold and piercing death glare is enough to silence him and Will sits there, too afraid to speak a word. 

She coughs slightly, her throat most likely feeling the weight of the past hour’s crying session. ‘Will,’ she whispers, voice hoarse, ‘you know he can’t stay here, you know we don’t get along!’ 

Alex rolls his eyes. ‘The reason we don’t get along is coz you seem to have a problem with me coz you’re a bitch!’ 

Mia pouts, lip turned up in a snarl and her face mirrors a squashed peach. ‘Well, no offence, hun, but you’re a little bit of a sped fag, gotta say!’ 

Alex growls at her. ‘What did you say?’ His voice is pointed, devoid of emotion and Will finds it almost scary. 

She looks at Will, desperately, expecting him to stick up for his girlfriend. 

Will sighs. ‘Mia-’ 

‘No!’ Mia shouts and Will slumps back against the couch. ‘Look, he is one, OK? He is one because…he’s gay but not only that, let’s be honest, his brain doesn’t exactly function like it should!’ 

Will was dumfounded. ‘Of course, it does, Alex is fine, he hasn’t done anythi-’ 

‘There are voices in his head, Will!’ Mia practically shouts. ‘Please explain to me how that is supposed to be fine!’ 

Will peered over at Alex and his teary eyes broke his heart to see. ‘Well…yeah, I-I mean, sure, I guess but-but, look…we all bit fucked up in some way, yeah?’ 

Mia’s eyes are piercing into his soul as he speaks. ‘He can’t stay here’ she said, simply, as though what she said had no meaning, like she didn’t care. 

Alex and Will shared a look. ‘Where’s he supposed to go then?’ Will asked. ‘Frasier won’t even talk to us, somethin’s clearly goin’ on there.’ 

She smirked at him, resembling a comic book villain. ‘Well perhaps Frasier has finally seen the light and sees Alex for what he truly is, a complete waste of a life!’ 

‘He’s not a waste of life! How can you say that, Mia? He’s so beautiful an-and kind and sweet-’ 

The room went quiet and all Will could hear was Alex’s heavy breathing. Mia glared at him suspiciously, a smug smile creeping onto her lips. ‘Sounds like you love him or something’ she snickered. 

Will’s eyes widened in shock, his face personifying disgust. ‘What? No! I would never, I-’ 

Mia raised an eyebrow in mock-suspicion. ‘Oh really? You would never fall in love with Alex?’ She stood up then, inching her way over to him. ‘No matter how beautfiul and kind and sweet he is?’ 

Her words were taunting and her eyes were beginning to shine, like a snake hypnotising its prey. ‘No one ever just says that, Will’ she whispers, voice to irritatingly low for any normal person but at the same time too high to bear with like her throat was mixing TV static with nails on a chalkboard. 

‘Well, I didn’t mean it like that!’ Will nearly shouts in defence. ‘I meant like-like y’know...how you care about your friends? Just mates, Mia’. 

She’s practically stalking around the living room at this point. ‘So, not romantically then?’ 

‘No! I would never like him like that, it’s ALEX for Christ’s sake!’ 

Mia laughs in a hushed tone. God, she sounded so sinister. ‘You act as if it’s offensive to ask you such a thing and yet earlier, I remember you paying out on me for saying shit. Would it really be that impossible for you to fall for him?’ 

Will’s eyes darken. ‘Would it be impossible for YOU to fall for him?’ he questions. 

She sat down on the couch next to Alex, passing him an uncaring side-ways glance. ‘Obviously, I don’t fall for ugly faggots.’ 

Well threw his hands in the air, exacerbated. ‘Well, neither do I, OK?’ 

It’s so quiet now that the birds outside have become deafening. 

‘You...you think of me like that, Will?’ Alex whimpers, voice soft and frail. 

Will’s eyes snap up to meet his. He’s torn between him and Mia. 

Alex. 

Mia. 

Alex. 

Mia 

He loves Mia, he always has, she’s stable and a constant. 

Alex came with baggage and problems and... disapproving and hateful glares on the subway if people knew. 

Mia was right. 

Alex was a waste of...not life necessarily but definitely his time. 

‘Yes, Alex, look I’m sorry, I love you and all but you’re difficult, I will admit’. 

There are tears in both of their eyes now and Alex looks so so very tired and done with him that it makes Will ache. 

‘Please...Alex, can you...it’s not good for you to be here right now’. 

Alex’s face became a rainbow of emotions in a split second from shock, to hurt, to pain, to disbelief, to anger, to rage. 

He’s standing quickly, stature almost menacing and Will feels terrified despite being a foot taller than him. 

‘So what? You gonna kick me out? Where am I supposed to go?’ Alex screams. 

Mia’s mumbling something about how the neighbours will complain if they’re too loud but Will doesn’t care and he tells him so. 

‘I don’t care where you go, Alex! Just leave!’ he stomps the door angrily, throwing it open and gesturing to the dark hallway. 

Alex stays silent, pulls his pink hoodie over his head and walks out of the apartment and out of Will’s life. 

Will turns to look at his girlfriend and she’s smiling a genuine smile for once. ‘I’m proud of you, sweetheart’ she says and somehow she sounds so much like Alex that it hurts. 

Will grins, lopsidedly. For once he feels happy but he shouldn’t this clearly isn’t right. 

He feels weightless and free like he’s done the right thing yet he literally just broke his friend’s heart. 

It was a choice. 

Everyone gets a choice in life. 

You choose what clothes you wear in the morning, you choose what you eat for breakfast, you choose where you go on holiday, you choose who you fall in love with. 

We all get a choice. 

Sophie had to make a choice. 

Adam and Eve both had a choice. 

That god Will didn’t believe in gave him a choice. 

Yet it feels like he didn’t...like he didn’t have the free will and right to choose. 

Lucifer didn’t have a choice. 

That’s how he feels, Will decides in that very moment. 

He’s just like Lucifer. 

😊 🙁 😊 🙁 ♥♥♥ ♥♥♥ ♥♥♥ ♥♥♥ ♥♥♥ ♥♥♥ ♥♥♥ 

Frasier’s apartment block has always been filthy and gross compared to all the others which makes absolutely no sense because it’s located in a relatively good area. 

The hallways are grim and dim-lit and Alex is fairly sure the power is likely to go out tonight like always. 

He sighed to himself, it was just standard routine in this place. 

He knocks twice, the sound of his bony knuckles hitting wood echoing down the stairwell. 

It’s disconcerting but he breathes out slowly as he waits for Frasier to answer the door. 

The voices are quiet and that in itself is just unsettling. 

The door falls back on itself, swinging open to reveal Frasier standing behind it. He looks a sight, hair tangled and matted like forest vines and skin around his eyes looking red and sore as though he’s been scratching at a rash for years. There are heavy dark bags under his eyes, weighing his eyes down and it reminds Alex of having to carry shopping bags that would dig into his skin as a kid. 

Of course, that was back when he could afford to buy enough groceries to weigh down a bag. 

Frasier looks broken and cold and as if someone’s been going at him for way too long. But he’s standing and he’s breathing fine. Alex realises Frasier is the epitome of the breaking point. 

‘Well, look who’s here.’ 

Even his voice sounds horrific; hoarse and abused 

Alex feels exposed under his harsh gaze like a bug under a magnifying glass. His eyes rake up and down Alex’s body, observing him. 

‘You look like shit’ he says simply. 

Alex cracks a grin. ‘So, do you’ he replies. 

But Frasier isn’t smiling which is odd. 

Alex sighs, he’s messed up, he knows it. 

The question is how. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

The tea is amazing, it’s not too cold or too hot and despite everything, Alex has to give it to him, Frasier really does know how to make a good tea. 

It’s Chamomile too, from a box labelled “Alex” and the sight of it warms him. 

He probably shouldn’t have forgotten about Frasier. 

No. 

He should NEVER have forgotten about Frasier. 

How did he even do that to begin with? 

They’re both sitting cross-legged on the floor because Frasier feels more comfortable there as though the cold creaking floor boards over some sense of stability. 

‘Just feels like...like you all abandoned me’ Frasier whispers to break the silence and it tugs at Alex’s heart. 

‘We didn’t abandon you, Fraze’ he tries to respond but the daggers that Frasier’s eyes are shooting into his skull are enough to silence him. 

‘Yeah well, feels like it, like I wasn’t good enough to be a part of it all’. 

Alex huffs. ‘What the Eboys? Seriously, we’re not even-’ 

‘I was one who wanted it, Al! How many times did I tell you all I wanted a group channel? Huh? How many times did I tell you all to keep me posted, to tell me if you found an idea? To volunteer me as the fifth member? To just...to just talk to me’. 

Alex is bewildered. ‘Is this really what you’re angry about right now?’ 

‘It’s not just that, it’s...it’s not getting invited to hang out, it’s getting kicked off the group text for something I didn’t do or say. It’s getting blamed for James’s shitty behaviour, it’s him breaking up with me then acting like I’m crazy, like what he had, what we did didn’t matter, OK? It’s all of you ignoring me, abandoning me, not giving a fucking shit about me!’ 

His voice breaks off in a sob, melting into a storm of tears. Frasier sat back against the coffee table; arms wrapped his body in a broken manner. 

‘I... Fraze, I-I I’m sorry, I didn’t realise that-’ 

‘You know what Al’, I can’t be bothered to care anymore, I just...all I care about is James and we’re done so...so yeah’. 

Alex was shocked. ‘Wait so you and him were actually a thing?’ 

Frasier nodded. ‘Yeah we were but we kept getting into fights because I wanted to tell everyone and Jamie-sorry James said he did tell an-and everyone said they were horrified and hated me! Saying shit like Oh Frasier must be forcing him, James would never be gay’. 

Alex stays silent throughout, not wanting to upset him further. 

‘James said he didn’t want to be gay, didn’t want people to judge him. I wasn’t worth it, wasn’t good enough for him’. 

Frasier is gay? 

James is gay? 

James AND Frasier are gay together? 

But James never said anything to us. 

Is this why Frasier blocked us? 

Alex speaks before he thinks as always. 

‘Is that why you blocked me?’ he whispers, staring into the distance. The voices ae overwhelming his mind, hurting his stomach, his spine. 

He’s twitching, head thrashing to make them stop. 

They’re so fucking loud now. 

He’s feels like he’s head has been shoved under water and the floor begins to sway and swerve underneath his weight. 

The floor feels nice. 

So nice and cool. 

God he could sleep here. 

Could live here forever. 

‘Shit, Alex! Fuck, I need to call-’ 

His heartbeat is too rough against his ribs. 

Red and blue lights are so beautiful, Alex thinks. Look how they whirl, how they blend together. 

They’re on the road now. 

With John. 

John wears a blue uniform, John’s sitting next to his bed. 

Well, it’s not much of a bed but it’s comfortable. 

John says we’re going to Chatswood hospital. 

I like John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important!!!  
> Please note that I will not be posting for two-three weeks!  
> Because I have really important exams and tests and am currently stressing so work will temporarily be on hold!  
> But there is an ending so don't give up just yet :)))


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